Hating Love
by RunnerNow17
Summary: After a bad occurrence in high school, Beca tries to convince herself that she hates Aubrey. Mitchsen one-shot.


***Aubrey and Chloe are in their second year of college while Beca is a freshmen in this.**

* * *

You hadn't seen her in a while. A year and a half, probably.

When you were at the activities fair talking to the redhead, you had keep taking glances to confirm it was her. But who were you kidding, of course it was her. You wouldn't be able to forget Aubrey fucking Posen if your life depended on it.

It just had to be that you both would attend Barden after graduating from the same high school.

You raised an eyebrow as you listened to the redhead. You wondered if Aubrey remembered you. If she did, she certainly didn't show it. She only showed the clear disdain she had for you, so you did the same. But maybe that was for the better, you thought, because remembering her would have required visiting old memories that still made your blood boil, and then who knows what you would have done to the stuck up blonde.

Then you unintentionally insulted her by stating your opinion, and she called you a bitch. And you never knew her terribly well, but it seemed like she hadn't changed much since high school. You smirked in amusement, because, for you, there was nothing better than getting the bitch angry.

Yup, she was a bitch. A bitch that you hated. You hated Aubrey Posen. At least, that's what you told yourself. As you walked away from the stand, you ignored the small voice in the back of your head that tried to tell you otherwise.

* * *

Next thing you knew, you found yourself being initiated for her stupid club. That damn gorgeous redhead, who you learned is named Chloe, convinced you to audition. Though, you like to think threatened is a more accurate word.

You went along with the whole creepy oath thing, and then you were dragged off to the initiation party.

You stayed in the higher stands and avoided talking to anybody, until a treble named Jesse came to chat with you. You learned he wasn't so bad, so you continued in a conversation about music with him.

It wasn't until the sixth time you saw her blonde hair that night that you realized you'd been unconsciously looking for her the whole time. You saw her grinding on some douchebag, or what you assumed was a douchebag because it's college and they're all douches.

"Woah, your drink is spilling." Jesse got your attention and informed you. And sure enough, when you looked down at your hand, you found your cup in a death grip with beer overflowing the edges.

And then suddenly, you were angry at yourself. You were angry that you subconsciously looked for Aubrey, and you were angry that she had impacted you in any way. All you wanted to do was forget her, so you found a way to.

"Oops. I'll just go get another drink." You told Jesse. And you did get another... and another, and another, and another, until you couldn't remember how much you'd had. By the time you felt like going back to your dorm, you had decided to look for Jesse instead because the only thing that could have topped off that night in your drunken state was sex with your rivals. "Jesse!" You had shouted amongst the crowd of partying students, but you got no response.

You decided to climb up some steps to get a better overview of the crowd. Your feet stumbled on one of the steps and you began to fall, face first, when an arm shot out in front of you and caught your waist while the other got your shoulder. Your hands automatically reached out and grabbed onto your rescuers waist - and maybe it was the beer clouding your senses, but you felt like your hands fit perfectly on that waist, like that person's waist was made just for your hands.

When you stabilized, you shifted your eyes up and found none other than Aubrey Posen. Her eyes looked down at you, concerned.

"Beca? Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." You shrugged her off and continued climbing. "I'm looking for someone." You stumbled again and she caught you a second time that night.

"You're very drunk."

"No shit," you said as you pushed her hands off of you. "Excuse me, but I really have to find someone." You slurred. She had suddenly pulled one of your arms over her shoulder and held on to it while her other arm circled around your back and onto your hip to hold you up. She started to walk you away from the party. "What are you doing? I told you, I'm looking for someone, so let go uh me." You slurred out angrily at her. You idly tried to get out of her grasp but she held on to you tighter, you were no match for her in your drunken state and her in her sober one.

"I know you're looking for Jesse. I can't let you leave with him; you took an oath."

"Fuck your fucking oath, you can't tell me who I can and can't have sex with."

"You're right, I can't. But I also can't let you do something you may regret tomorrow." She said. "Regret eats at you Beca, trust me, you should never do something you'll regret." And you didn't know how, but you knew she was not talking about sex with Jesse, she was talking about something else. You felt like if you were sober, you might have understood what she is referring to, but you could barely think then.

"I know." You scoffed. "Fine. If I can't have sex with Jesse, can you at least tell me where you're taking me?"

"I don't know yet, what dorm are you?" She asked.

"Baker Hall." You bitterly replied.

She began walking you in the direction of your dorm. A wave of fatigue unexpectedly washed over you so you leaned your head on her soft shoulder and closed your eyes. You felt her fingers draw relaxing shapes on your hip.

 _Pick yourself up, Mitchell! She's not your friend! You hate her, remember?_ You internally yelled at yourself.

But you couldn't, you were too exhausted, and her soothing scent of vanilla certainly didn't help. The next day, you would probably blame it on how drunk you were, but in that moment, you were finding it extremely difficult to hate Aubrey Posen.

If only you had known that night, Aubrey Posen was catching you in more ways than one.

* * *

When rehearsals started up for the year, you noticed that you found yourself entranced by the blonde more often than not. You were captivated by her... by her... by her flawlessness? No, no, that would imply you liked her, and you didn't. You summed it up to your strong dislike of the girl.

There was just something about her that kept you staring. You only hoped nobody else had caught you the way you'd caught yourself. You were supposed to be going through the routine with a partner, but you sorta forgot that and just stood there. Then Stacie, your partner, nudged your shoulder.

"What's up? So, Aubrey, huh?" You whipped around to face her with wide eyes.

"W-What?" You stuttered.

"Base on that intense gaze you had, I'd say you're one of three things." She held up a finger. "You're in love with her, or infatuated at the least." Another finger. "You're thinking of different ways you can fuck her." And finally, a third finger. "Or, you're thi-"

"That's absurd! Of course not." Aubrey interrupted Stacie and drew the attention of all the girls in the room. You looked to where she was at in the front of the room too, just barely missing the glances both her and Chloe sent your way. The blonde dismissed her random outburst. "Just a misunderstanding between Chloe and I, go back to practice."

Your eyes lingered on her a little longer than necessary, and then she caught your eye so you rushingly, but casually, turned back to Stacie.

"What were you saying?"

"Oh yeah, or you're thinking of all the ways you can murder her and get away with it."

You shrugged, "That one sounds about right." _Does it?_ You asked yourself. _Of co_ _urse it does, what are you thinking?_

The next couple of rehearsals went similar to that one, but you were finding it harder to hold down the routine than the rest of the girls were. It became more obvious every rehearsal.

"Beca, a word?" Aubrey finally called you over after one rehearsal while the other girls were leaving. You slugged your way over to her. "Your behind in choreography, I asked Chloe if she would stay after today's rehearsal to help you-"

"Great, where is she?" You interrupted.

"That's the thing," she sighed. "She doesn't have the time, so it looks like I'll be the one helping you."

You wanted to object and tell her you didn't want her help, but you needed it and she was the only one who could help. She slowly and gently guided you through the choreography with caring thoughts and hands. You had almost felt a bit guilty for trying to ruffle her feathers by purposely doing the dance moves wrong. Almost.

You satisfyingly smirked when you heard her let out an exasperated sigh after she had you go through the whole routine once and you subtly trashed it. You knew the ruined minor details irked her just as much as the major.

"Let's take a short break."

"Whatever you say Cap'n." You responded. You went over to your seat and gulped down some water from your bottle. Your sat yourself down and watched as she sat herself at the piano and looked over some papers.

You knew it was stupid to stay hung up on the past, but, for reasons unbeknownst to you, you couldn't let go of what Aubrey did. You know now that it was unfair the way you treated her, but there was no way you could've known at the time. The pain of the unanswered question had kept gnawing at you, but when the question actually slipped from your lips, you were just as surprised as her.

"Why did you do it?"

Her fingers stilled from shuffling the papers for a split second before she carried on. "What are you talking about?" She feigned ignorance.

"You know _damn well_ what I'm talking about, Aubrey." You snapped. "Why?"

She hesitantly looked at you with her regretful green eyes. When her eyes met your distressed ones, it looked like too much for her to handle so she looked down at her hands instead. "I didn't know- I didn't know he had a girlfriend." She said in a small voice.

"Like hell you didn't know!" You shouted. You felt the anger building up inside of you. You hated, more than anything, that you were still torn up about this; you hadn't even seen the other jackass in over a year and a half. You shot up to your feet and sent the chair flying behind you. You saw the blonde, still to ashamed to look at you, flinch when it crashed to the ground. You slung your bag over your shoulder and grabbed your water bottle. "I'm leaving. I'm fucking done."

"Beca, wait!" She called after you, but you ignored her and continued on. You were about halfway to the door when you felt her hand wrap around your wrist and flip you around. You were shocked to find unspilled tears in her eyes. "I'm sorry. I-"

"No! I don't wanna hear another fucking word from you." You hissed. You tried to break away from her grip but she was tenacious. "Let go of me! I hate you! Just let go!" If you were to have paid attention, you would have seen the hurt in her eyes that your words caused. Tears stung your own eyes as she gingerly wrapped her arms around your fighting body. You couldn't take it, you couldn't take it no more, your heart ached too much. Your tears spilled over and sobs wracked your tiny frame. It was the first time you actually cried over him and your feelings had hit you full force. You crumbled to your knees and then onto the floor, she went along with you and held you close. You clung to her as if she were your last bit of sanity, even if you felt as if she was the cause of your insanity. "I loved him. I loved him so fucking much, and you took him from me." You tried to hit her, to do something, but you couldn't even will your weak and shaking palm to move from its tight hold on her shirt over her abdomen. You grasped onto her for dear life and didn't let go as you wept, basking in the unanticipated warmth and comfort her arms brought.

"I'm so sorry," she sorrowfuly whispered over you, your head being buried in the crook of her neck. You had felt water drops wet your temple and assumed her tears were spilling over too. "I swear, Beca, I didn't know. I wouldn't have done it if I did. I would take it all back if a could, I'm so sorry."

You had let the girl who stole your boyfriend, whom you were deeply in love with in high school, comfort you. You at least thought you were in love with him, why else would your emotions have had been so strong?

She let you cry it out and then she took you to your dorm. The walk was silent, and when she helped you get ready for bed, it was silent. An understanding silence. The only thing you hated while you layed down was that you had to keep reminding yourself that you hated this girl, because it was getting more and more difficult for you to remember it for some reason. You snoozed nearly as soon as you hit the mattress, clearly exhausted from the overbearing emotions of the day. Only, if you had stayed awake for a second longer, you wouldn't have missed the soft kiss placed ever so gently on your cheek.

* * *

When you awoke the next morning, you felt exhausted. You looked at old pictures of you and Josh, your ex. You had found them in the dark, deep depths of your phone, but something didn't quite sit well with you. You might have thought it once or twice when your were going out with him, but you knew you weren't in love. You were never in love with him.

You tried to convince yourself so often that you were in love with him, and that's why when he cheated on you with Aubrey back in high school, you had gotten so hurt. It did hurt, like hell, but you never loved him. You just never wanted to admit it to yourself, because then you would have to summon up the real reason why everything impacted you so hard.

You groaned and threw a pillow across your dorm in frustration, because you knew the real reason why you felt so hurt. You refused to admit it to yourself and instead got lost in making a mix, very thankful that Kimmy Jin wasn't there to witness your madness.

You only left your dorm when it was time for another Bellas rehearsal; you couldn't bring yourself to quit. When you walked in, your eyes had immediately sought out Aubrey, and you found her eyes had already found you. She gave you a small, hopeful smile, and you didn't hesitate to return it. That must have been the right move, because her smile grew and she had to turn away to hide it.

You really didn't want to face your feelings, but every time you saw Aubrey, they would pop up again- so basically the whole practice. Each time you seen her, your mind clouded, and every time she glanced at you and sent a smile, your heart soared.

Practice had finally finished and everybody was amped up for a frat party Stacie suggested they attend. They all rushed out of the place once Aubrey dismissed them, but you and the blonde took your time packing your things away.

"Hey, Beca?" You never noticed how angelic her voice was.

"Yeah?" You turned around from your bag and found a very nervous Aubrey at an arm's length away, much closer to you than expected. She held out a white box.

"This is for you." You apprehensively take the box and open it. Inside you discovered a pair of headphones that looked like a replica of the ones your mother had given you when you were a kid. She loved music, but she was slowly going deaf, so she had told you to take good care of them for her. Then your dumb dad had to lose the box they were in when you moved in with him over the summer. You felt water build up in your eyes as your fingers skimmed along the headphones.

"I know this doesn't make up for what I did to you, but it's a start. I remember back in high school you used to wear some like these all the time, but I haven't seen you wear them this year." You're thrown that she remembered you wearing them back in high school. You only wore them after school when you were reading in the corner of the library, safely hidden by some bookshelves. The only way someone would have had noticed you was if they intentionally looked for you. Upon further inspection, you concluded these were even the same model as your old ones, the blonde must have really payed attention if she caught that. You looked up at her with your teary eyes. "I know you still hate me, but maybe-"

You had cut her off by pressing your lips against her soft ones. It's obvious you caught her off guard, but when she realized what was going on, she reciprocated the kiss, placing one of her hands on your waist and the other on your cheek. You placed a hand at the base of her neck and pulled her into you. You both gasped for air when you broke apart, but neither of you dared to take a step away from the other. "I don't hate you, Aubrey. I never have, and I don't think I ever can- no matter how hard I try."

She looked happy with a gleam in her eye, but her brows were still furrowed in confusion. "Why? What I did was horrible, why don't you hate me?"

And then you proceeded to tell her. You told her how you tried to convince yourself that you hated her after Josh cheated, but it never worked. It never worked because your foundation for hating her was a lie- you never loved Josh. You weren't ever jealous of her for having Josh, you were only jealous of Josh having her instead of you having her. Even before Josh, you had realized you had deep feelings for the blonde, but you were confused at the time with your strong feelings, especially since they were towards another girl.

So no, you never hated Aubrey Posen, and you never can- you know that now. If anything, you can only hate how much you love her. Because you do love her, you are so deeply in love with Aubrey Posen that, even ten years later, you still find it hard to believe that your strong love for your wife hasn't faded in the slightest. And, as cliché as it sounds, every kiss you share with her is just as passionate and as full of love as the first one you shared all those years ago.

Who would've guessed that the love of your life, your soulemate, would've been the girl who stole your boyfriend in high school.

* * *

 **A/N: I don't know where this came from, but here it is. I was also testing out this writing style to see if it's me or not.**

 **\- Nessa**


End file.
